Living with a Foster Child

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How are children placed with a foster family?

Matching the child and the foster home

In placing a child in a foster home, agency staff try to find a home that best suits the child’s needs. A successful match between the child and the foster home will make all the difference in a child’s life during an extremely difficult period. It may be helpful to you as a foster parent to know what factors are considered when a child is placed in your home:


Are relatives available who would be willing to provide a safe and suitable placement for the child? This should be the first consideration, and options are to be reviewed with the relatives as to whether becoming relative foster parents or assuming direct custody of the child is preferred.

Previous foster home

If the child was previously placed in foster care, is it appropriate to return to the same foster home? This question must be considered before looking for another foster home.

Placing siblings together

If the child already has sisters or brothers in foster care, can the child be placed in the same home, if appropriate? If several children need placement, can a home be found where they can live together? Placing siblings together is mandated by state law, except when deemed to not be in the child’s best interest.

Religious background

Has the parent expressed a religious preference in regard to placement of the child? Where practicable and in the best interests of the child, the preference regarding religion of a parent will be honored.

Native American identity

Can a Native American home be found? The child’s tribe must be notified when placing a Native American child.

Neighborhood and school

Can a home be found in the same school district so that the child does not have to change schools?

Special Needs

Does the child have special physical, psychological, or medical needs that require a foster home that is equipped and trained to handle them? Has the foster home been approved to care for a child with special needs?

Emotional considerations

If the child has specific emotional needs, can a foster home be found that would best meet those needs?

Other children in the home

If the foster home already has other children (biological or foster), is this placement an appropriate one?

Agencies may not routinely consider race, cultural or ethnic origin in making placement decisions. These factors may be considered only on an individualized basis where special circumstances exist.

How placement affects children

Children can feel severe personal loss when separated from their families. They have lost the most important people in their lives – their parents, brothers, and sisters. They have lost their familiar pattern of living. They have lost their homes and the places that make up their own worlds.

Children’s reactions to separation vary. Their emotional development is interrupted. They often feel abandoned and helpless, worthless, and even responsible for the family’s breakup. They may try to punish themselves. In general, the adjustment period for foster children typically follows a pattern that includes:

What rights do children and youth in foster care have?

The New York State Bill of Rights for Children and Youth in Foster Care:

Welcoming a child into your home

The child who comes into your home will need to adjust to many things. Everything is new. There are new parents, perhaps new sisters and brothers, a new house, new foods, new rules and expectations, a new neighborhood, and possibly a new school.

It is hard for children to leave their homes and find themselves in strange new surroundings. To deal with this, children may fantasize about the positive qualities of their own parents, their own home, and their neighborhood. They may not want to get involved in a foster family’s routine and activities out of a sense of loyalty to their own family. Outbursts of angry, aggressive language or behavior may occur, such as cursing or slamming doors. Even if they show no emotion, many questions, fears, and anxieties about the future may fill their thoughts and dreams. The child needs your understanding, patience, and support when settling into your home.

What is the foster parent’s role with the birth parents of a child?

As a foster parent, you are a member of a team with the caseworker, the child’s parents (if possible) and/or other relatives, and the child’s law guardian, along with service providers and health care providers. This means that you are not alone in caring for the child. You have support.

It also means that you meet with the child’s family in visits and case conferences and you keep the caseworker up-to-date on how the child is doing.

Below are examples of what some foster parents have done to help create and maintain a working relationship with their foster child’s parents:

Some suggested topics for discussions between foster parents and birth parents include:

What if I decide to adopt a foster child?

Some parents are certain that they want to adopt the child in their care. Others are not so sure. Such an important decision should be made on a rational basis, not on emotions alone. Even if you feel clear about your decision, answering the following questions may help you find out whether you are ready or not:

If you choose not to adopt, the agency will begin looking for an appropriate adoptive family for the child. During this time, you can help prepare the child for the change. Such preparation generally improves the chances that adoption will be successful.

For more information about adoption, please visit the OCFS Adoption Album website or contact your local department of social services.